Aaron Donald’s Private Texts Became Custody Evidence. Could Yours?

Aaron Donald repeatedly asked his ex one question in private text messages that are now public: Was the dog back in her house?

The NFL star and his former partner, Jaelynn Blakey, had been arguing over a French bulldog that Donald alleged had bitten both of their children. In messages from June 26, Donald repeatedly asked whether the dog had returned to Blakey’s home and said he was uncomfortable with the children staying there while the dog was present. Blakey disputed several of his allegations and said the children were not afraid of the dog.

The disagreement eventually reached Los Angeles Superior Court. Donald sought temporary sole physical custody while the dog remained in Blakey’s home. The parents later reached an August 3 agreement requiring the dog to be permanently removed, and their previous co-parenting arrangement resumed.

The newly released messages are a reminder that the text you send your co-parent during an argument may eventually be read by attorneys, a custody evaluator, or a judge.

Your Co-Parenting Texts Can Become Evidence

Texts can provide a written record of what parents were saying and doing before a custody disagreement reached court.

In Donald’s case, the June messages reportedly show him repeatedly asking whether the dog was back in the home and explaining why he did not want his children around it. According to Donald’s later court filing, the dog had previously bitten both children. Blakey challenged his account and denied hiding the dog’s presence from him.

When parents disagree about a safety issue, messages can potentially show:

• When one parent first raised the concern
• What information was shared with the other parent
• Whether either parent proposed a solution
• How the other parent responded
• Whether the concern continued before someone went to court
• Whether the parents followed an existing custody or parenting-time order

That does not mean every message to your co-parent needs to sound as though it was written for a judge. It does mean you need to remember that private messages can become part of a custody case.

Your Child Says Something at the Other Parent’s House Is Unsafe

A dog is an unusual reason for a custody dispute, but parents can disagree about plenty of things in the other household that could affect a child’s safety.

Your child might tell you there are unsecured firearms in the home. An adult living there is using drugs. They are being left alone for extended periods. Someone is driving them after drinking. A new partner frightens them. Or, as Donald alleged, an animal in the home has already injured them.

Your first reaction may be to confront your co-parent or refuse to send your child back. Before making a decision that could violate an existing custody order, determine how immediate the danger is and contact your attorney when possible.

If you believe your child is in immediate danger, your attorney can determine whether the facts support emergency custody or another request for court intervention under your state’s law.

Keep Your Messages Focused on the Safety Issue

One detail in the Donald texts is useful for parents who find themselves in a similar dispute.

According to the reported messages, Blakey responded to Donald’s question about the dog by asking why the children had not been returned as previously discussed. Donald again asked whether the dog was still there.

Custody conversations can quickly expand into five arguments at once. You are discussing a missed pickup, then an old disagreement gets added, followed by accusations about money, a new partner, and something that happened six months ago.

When you are raising a genuine safety concern, keep the conversation focused. Your message can identify:

• What you believe happened
• When it happened
• What your child told you, using their words rather than embellishing
• What information you need from the other parent
• What specific safety concern needs to be addressed
• What you are proposing to resolve it

You do not need insults, threats, or a paragraph about everything your ex has ever done wrong. Those additions can bury the issue you need addressed and create messages that could later distract from your concern.

Be Careful About Putting Your Child in the Middle

Donald also alleged that Blakey told their children not to tell him the dog had returned to the home. Blakey denied the allegation and said she had never instructed the children to hide the dog’s presence from their father.

Whatever happened between these particular parents is for them to establish. For other co-parents, asking children to keep information from the other parent can create serious problems.

Avoid telling your child to:

• Hide something happening in your home
• Delete messages or photos before going to the other parent’s house
• Give you information about the other parent’s private life
• Report back about everything that happens during parenting time
• Deliver messages between adults
• Lie about where they were or who was present

There is a difference between listening when your child voluntarily tells you something concerning and repeatedly questioning your child about the other household.

If your child tells you something that concerns you, write down what they said and when they said it. Avoid suggesting answers or repeatedly asking them to recount the same incident. Your attorney can advise you on the appropriate response based on what your child reported.

You Have a Safety Concern. Do You Keep the Kids?

This is where a parent can create another legal problem while trying to address the first one.

You believe the other home is unsafe, so you decide the children are not going back. The other parent believes you are interfering with court-ordered parenting time.

Donald sought temporary sole physical custody of his 13-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son while the dog remained in Blakey’s home. His request was tied to the removal of the dog rather than a permanent change in the parents’ arrangement. The August 3 agreement required Blakey to permanently remove the dog and allowed the parents to return to their previous co-parenting arrangement.

Your options will depend on your custody order, the seriousness and immediacy of the risk, and your state’s law. A family law attorney can determine whether the circumstances support an emergency filing, modification request, temporary restriction, or another response.

Before You Hit Send, Read the Text Like a Judge

Donald sent the messages in June, before he filed his request for temporary custody in late July. Those messages are now being reported alongside the allegations and evidence submitted in the parents’ court dispute.

Your custody case probably will not become national news. Your texts can still end up in a courtroom.

Before sending a message during a custody dispute, read it once more and ask whether it clearly communicates what happened and what you are asking the other parent to do. Remove insults, speculation about motives, threats you do not intend to carry out, and unrelated complaints.

If you are dealing with a genuine concern about your child’s safety during the other parent’s custody time, Melone Hatley, P.C. — Your Partner in Divorce® can review your custody order, the information you have received, and your communications with the other parent to determine whether court action is appropriate and how to address the immediate concern.