Divorce and separation often bring extreme tension between spouses, and this can be especially true when children are involved. Unlike some relationships that end with clean closure, parents must continue to work together to co-parent their children for the rest of their lives.
Unfortunately, the anger and resentment from the breakdown of a marriage can sometimes lead one parent to behave irrationally, attempting to interfere with the child’s relationship with the other parent. This behavior, known as parental alienation, can have serious and lasting consequences for both the targeted parent and the child.
If you believe that your co-parent is sabotaging your relationship with your child, you have legal rights and options. Rebuilding a healthy, loving relationship with your child is still possible. The experienced family law attorneys at Melone Hatley, P.C. are here to help you assert your rights under your custody order and parenting plan so you can become a valuable part of your child’s life once again.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a psychological term used to describe the breakdown of a child’s relationship with one parent, often due to manipulation by the other parent.
While not an official legal term, parental alienation often comes into play during child custody disputes. Alienating behavior usually stems from unresolved anger or pain related to the breakup, leading one parent to take out their feelings on the other parent by drawing the child into their conflict and trying to get the child “on their side.” This manipulation often begins with one parent making disparaging comments about the other and can escalate to outright lies or interference with ordered parenting time.
Some common examples of parental alienation can include
- One parent repeatedly making negative comments about the other parent.
- One parent falsely accusing the other parent of abuse or neglect.
- One parent misrepresenting the other parent’s custody rights, such as telling the child the other parent does not have custody rights.
- One parent denying or obstructing parenting time and blaming the other parent.
- One parent telling the child that the other parent does not pay support or has abandoned them.
While the custodial parent has more time and opportunity to engage in alienating behavior since they have more time with the child, it can occur regardless of the parent’s custody status. In some cases, extended family members, such as grandparents and siblings, may also contribute to the alienation.
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Understanding the Impact of Parental Alienation on the Child
The emotional damage from parental alienation can be profound. Mental health professionals refer to Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) to describe the psychological toll on both the child and the alienated parent in these cases. Over time, it can result in serious mental health consequences for both.
How Parental Alienation Affects the Child
Parental alienation is widely regarded as a form of emotional abuse that can disrupt a child’s emotional development, identity formation, and future relationships. The child can develop a wide range of problems, believe that the parent has rejected them, or that the parent is dangerous. Children affected by parental alienation may show signs of:
- Fear, hatred, or extreme resistance toward the targeted parent
- Making false or exaggerated claims about that parent’s behavior
- Unquestioningly supporting the alienating parent while rejecting the targeted parent
Unfortunately, the impact of parental alienation can endure far beyond childhood.
Research has shown that the effects can lead to
- Depression
Children may feel deep sadness or grief, especially if they believe they’ve been rejected or abandoned. - Trust issues
Losing a parent’s presence or support can leave a child feeling betrayed or confused, often impairing their ability to trust others. - Low self-esteem
A child’s relationship with their parents is important for building self-esteem. If they have been told the alienated parent is dangerous, unworthy, or absent, it can result in their own negative self-image. - Self-hatred
Children can adopt the alienating parent’s negative views of the targeted parent, sometimes projecting those traits onto themselves. - Self-destructive behaviors
To cope with the emotional pain of alienation, some children may turn to harmful behaviors such as substance abuse, unlawful behavior, emotional withdrawal, or conflict with others. - Suicidal thoughts
The emotional distress caused by alienation can be overwhelming for a child, resulting in feelings of isolation and hopelessness. - Pursuing unhealthy relationships later in life
Lessons learned from alienation, such as mistrust and manipulation, can carry over into adulthood, affecting future friendships and romantic relationships.
How Parental Alienation Affects the Targeted Parent
The consequences of parental alienation for the targeted parent can also be devastating.
- Emotional distress
Targeted parents often experience grief over the loss of their relationship with their child, anxiety and depression caused by the rejection, and feelings of helplessness and isolation, especially when family members or the courts don’t recognize the alienation. - Feelings of powerlessness
Over time, the child may begin to refuse to see or speak to the parent, view them as dangerous or unworthy, or become hostile and indifferent. - Legal challenges
Even with custody orders in place, the alienating parent may violate the target parent’s visitation rights, attempt to modify custody to further restrict contact, or make false allegations against them that they must defend in court. - Social and familial strain
Parental alienation can lead to tensions with extended family, judgment from friends or community members who don’t understand the dynamics, or even damage to the targeted parent’s reputation, especially if false claims are made. - Financial burdens
Targeted parents often incur significant costs, including legal fees to enforce or modify custody. - Long-term grief and estrangement
In extreme cases, the alienation can last into the child’s adulthood, leading to permanent estrangement, unresolved pain, and the loss of important milestones in the child’s life, such as graduations, weddings, or the birth of grandchildren.
How Can You Prove Parental Alienation?
Demonstrating parental alienation in court requires strong evidence. This can be challenging, especially if the alienating parent denies wrongdoing or counters with more accusations against you. The goal will be to prove to the court that
- The other parent is unjustly interfering with your relationship with your child, and
- That you are a fit parent and are committed to being an active part of your child’s life.
Evidence of parental alienation can include the following.
Witness Testimony
People close to the family may have observed behavior or heard harmful comments made by the alienating parent. These witnesses could include:
- Family members
- Friends
- Caregivers
- Teachers, coaches, or school counselors
Witnesses can provide valuable accounts of the alienating parent’s conduct and its effects on your child. However, witnesses can only testify about what they saw or heard. They cannot offer opinions about their testimony. Even if a witness is testifying on the other parent’s side, their testimony will be under oath. Lying to the judge to make you look bad can have serious consequences for a witness.
Other witnesses, known as expert witnesses, such as therapists or custody evaluators, can offer opinion-based testimony to the court if they possess the necessary expertise. They can assess how the parent-child relationship is functioning and testify about observed alienation behaviors and the potential harm it can have on the child’s well-being.
If your child is already in therapy, their therapist can also testify about certain aspects of the child’s mental health within the confines of confidentiality and court rules. If therapy has not yet been initiated, the court may order it for the child and both parents.
Social Media
Often, the best evidence you can produce to the court will be the alienating parent’s own words and actions. Social media can provide a wealth of evidence about what they have been saying and doing, such as
- Making negative statements about you
- Evidence of their manipulation or disparagement
- Comments that contradict their claims in court
Your child’s social media posts can also contain useful evidence. A trusted friend or family member can monitor posts and take screenshots, especially if access to the account is limited. During litigation, your attorney may also formally request access to private posts during the discovery process.
Keeping a Communication Log
To prove parental alienation, you will also need to demonstrate that you have not been able to spend enough time with your child. Keeping detailed records of contact with your child and the other parent will be critical to your case.
You can do this by documenting every call, message, or attempt to coordinate parenting time with your child. Maintain detailed records of
- Any attempts you have made to contact your child and what the consequences of those were.
- Any canceled visits or blocked communication.
- Any hostile or disparaging messages you’ve received from the other parent.
Keep receipts, photos, and summaries of your time with your child to show your efforts at parental engagement. This will demonstrate you are doing your part to have meaningful parenting time with your child, and despite your best efforts, the other parent is not allowing you a reasonable amount of parenting time.
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What Are Your Legal Options?
Courts take matters of parental alienation very seriously because of the effect it can have on the child’s well-being. It can also have serious legal consequences when there has been a violation of custody or visitation orders.
Because courts prioritize the best interests of the child, interference with a parent-child relationship may prompt the court to modify custody arrangements or issue corrective orders. In more extreme cases where a parent consistently violates a court order, they may be held in contempt, resulting in fines or other penalties, or even a reassignment of custody.
Even without an existing court order, a parent has the right to petition the court to establish one and protect their relationship with their child. The court can then enforce that order and take corrective actions if the alienation continues.
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Rebuilding Your Relationship with Your Child
While parental alienation may leave you feeling helpless, you are not powerless. With legal support and significant evidence, it is possible to stop this harmful behavior and rebuild your bond with your child.
The family law team at Melone Hatley, P.C. represents parents in these and other high-conflict custody cases. As your partner and diligent advocate, we are here to guide you through the legal process and fight for your parental rights. Contact us through our website or call us at (800) 479-8124 to schedule a free consultation with one of our Client Services Coordinators. Let us work together to protect your relationship with your child.
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