7 Tips for Navigating Halloween as a Divorced Parent
For most families, Halloween is one of the most anticipated nights of the year. Who doesn’t love the streets filled with costumed kids (and adults) going from house to house? But for divorced parents, Halloween can present some complications. Who gets to trick-or-treat this year? Who is responsible for costumes? Parties? School functions? Bedtime schedules and making sure the kids don’t consume the whole bag of candy in one sitting? Halloween should be about fun, but for divorced parents? It can be a whole lot of stress.
Fortunately, with some early communication, flexibility, and maintaining focus on the kids, Halloween can be the fun holiday it was meant to be.
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1. Plan Early
Because Halloween only happens once a year, kids notice when it’s stressful and disorganized. That’s why having conversations with your co-parent should start well before October 31.
Discuss the details:
- Who has the kids that day?
- Who is responsible for purchasing or making the costume?
- Who will be taking them to school activities?
- Will you split trick-or-treating? Alternate years? Celebrate together?
- What’s the plan for pick-up, drop-off, bedtime routines, and limiting candy consumption?
The earlier you can plan, the more likely you’ll create an experience for your kids that doesn’t involve last-minute arguments and disarray. Plan the holiday well in advance, and everyone knows what to expect.
2. Prioritize Your Kids’ Experience
At the end of the day, Halloween is about the kids, not you. They want to enjoy the day, dress up, be with their friends, fill up the candy bucket – not feel caught up in tension between you and your ex-spouse.
What will make this day special for your children? It may mean taking a step back and allowing them to trick-or-treat with the other parent. Or it could be adjusting your schedule so you can be there for the school party or putting your disagreements aside so you can both take them around the neighborhood. Keeping your kids front and center on Halloween ensures that the holiday is about their fun, not your conflict.
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3. Create New Traditions
Divorce changes everything, and that includes well-loved family traditions. While that can be bittersweet, it also opens the door to creating fresh traditions.
Maybe you don’t have the kids on Halloween night. But you can still celebrate in other ways. Go shopping for – or help them make – their costume. Carve pumpkins, create a spooky scavenger hunt, have a monster movie marathon, or visit a local haunted house or harvest-themed maze. These activities don’t have to compete with Halloween night itself, but they add to the fun and create their own memories.
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4. Share the Fun (Even If You’re Not Together)
Just because you aren’t with your kids on Halloween doesn’t mean you still can’t be part of it. Technology makes it easy to share in the Halloween experience even if you’re not there in person.
If your co-parent is in charge of trick-or-treating this year, ask the kids to send pictures or videos. Call or FaceTime so they can talk about the night or show off their costumes. These small gestures help reassure them that both of you are celebrating with them, even if it’s from different households.
5. Remain Flexible
The best laid Halloween plans can go awry. And when you add the logistics of divorce, flexibility becomes your best friend.
When the costume just doesn’t come together as planned or a rainstorm sends everyone inside, have a Plan B. Throw together something simple and head over to the mall for an interior trick-or-treat option. Scatter the candy you’ve purchased and create a candy-trading game. Tell ghost stories. When your kids see you handle changes with a smile, they learn that fun can be created in the moment and isn’t tied to perfection. Memories are about the moments you make together, no matter the situation.
6. Keep it a No-Competition Zone
Parental competition after divorce is a slippery slope. It can be tempting to want to be the “fun” parent who buys the most expensive costume, has the best candy, and throws the best Halloween party ever. But competition with your ex can leave your kids feeling pressured and torn.
Instead of treating Halloween (and any holiday) like a contest, focus on what makes your kids feel special. Encourage their creativity when choosing a costume. Go for a walk in the neighborhood to enjoy decorations. Let them help bake treats for the school party. Kids want your attention, not their parents one-upping each other.
7. Keep it Positive Around the Kids
Even if your co-parenting relationship is still tense, resist venting and criticizing them around your children. This is true for any day, not just Halloween.
If your ex-spouse drops the ball on holiday details, don’t address it in front of the kids. Save these conversations to have later, in private. Protecting your children’s experience by keeping the mood upbeat – both on holidays and every day – sends them an important message: that you can come together to ensure their happiness and well-being.
Co-Parenting at Halloween Doesn’t Have to Be Stressful
Navigating Halloween as divorced parents will require more planning than it used to, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. At the end of the day, your children won’t remember who bought the costume, went trick-or-treating, or handed out the candy. They’ll just remember the fun they had and the love you gave them.
Co-parenting can be difficult. If you are struggling with custody or time-sharing, you may benefit from some legal support. The family law attorneys at Melone Hatley, P.C. are here to help. Call us at 800-479-8124 or contact us online to schedule a free consultation with one of our Client Services Coordinators.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today.
