6 Tips to Keeping the Peace with Your Co-Parent During the Upcoming Holidays
The holiday season should be a time of family joy and special traditions. But if you’re co-parenting after a separation or divorce, it can also be full of conflict and stress.
Conflicting schedules, competing traditions, and deciding who will attend which function or event – all on top of the heightened emotions of the situation – can make the holidays more complicated than they need to be. The good news is that with a more mindful approach, you and your co-parent can create a peaceful season for your children where they feel supported and loved by both of you.
1. Start Planning Very Early
One of the biggest sources of holiday stress is usually waiting until the last minute to make decisions. If you and your co-parent haven’t yet talked about the holidays, now is the time. Planning early lets you discuss plans calmly without the added stress of looming deadlines and conflicting opinions at the last minute.
The more you can find agreement ahead of time, the less room there is for dispute later on. This is also important for your kids. They want to know what to expect. Knowing where they’ll be spending specific holidays gives them a sense of security and something to look forward to, rather than dealing with uncertainty during a season when they should be feeling joy.
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2. Put the Kids First
It’s easy for parents to fall into the trap of “fairness” when dividing time with the kids during the holidays. But co-parenting is about focusing on what is best for the children, even when it doesn’t always seem fair to you.
During the holidays, consider what would make them happiest. This might mean adjusting your schedule, swapping days, or even allowing them to spend Christmas morning with your ex-spouse’s parents. Is it fair? Maybe not, but good co-parenting is about compromise and flexibility and putting their needs first. When you and your co-parent can work together for the benefit of your children, they will feel loved and supported by both sides, which, after all, is the best holiday gift.
3. Be Flexible (and Realistic)
Even the best laid plans don’t always go without a hitch. Weather delays, family emergencies, or just simple miscommunication can throw things off track.
Be prepared to approach the holidays with a bit of grace and flexibility. When the unexpected happens — and it will – extend the same courtesy to your co-parent you would want for yourself. This reduces stress for everyone, especially your kids, and allows the holidays to remain positive no matter what happens. Flexibility and cooperation keep everyone open to changing course, as necessary, instead of opening it to arguments and hostility.
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4. Communicate Clearly and Respectfully
Many co-parenting disagreements stem from a lack of clear communication. This can be especially true during the holiday season when so many conflicting activities may be taking place and schedules overlapping. Make an effort to be direct, respectful, and unemotional in communications with your co-parent. If face-to-face talks tend to derail, keep your communications to text, email, or co-parenting apps. This gives you both time to think through your words and responses and creates a written record of your agreements.
Confirming everything, down to the smallest details, can go a long way to avoiding misunderstandings. When co-parents can communicate clearly and respectfully, the kids feel less tension and aren’t forced into becoming their parents’ messengers.
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5. Coordinate on Gifts and Traditions
Holidays are about giving, but often parents unintentionally create tension when they compete through their gifts. When there is a sense of outdoing each other, or there is overlap in the gifts, it can take away the whole purpose and joy from the season. And kids can sense when their parents are in competition with each other.
To avoid this, coordinate with your co-parent before the holidays about gift-giving. Share your lists with each other or divide categories to avoid duplication. For larger gifts, consider splitting the cost so your child knows the gift came from both of you. The same can go for holiday traditions. If you can find common ground, you could share beloved traditions or attend special events together. When you work together instead of against each other, the holidays feel more unified and meaningful for the kids.
6. Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
The holidays can stir up all sorts of emotions, especially if it is your first season by yourself. Don’t forget that your well-being matters too. If you are already feeling burned out or stressed, keeping the peace will feel impossible. And an overwhelmed parent can also unintentionally cause added tension for the kids.
Take some time for yourself, spend time with supportive friends and family, even create some new holiday traditions for yourself. When you can take care of your emotional health, you create a calmer, more positive holiday experience for your children.
Creating a Season of Peace for the Whole Family
Keeping the peace around the holidays doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly, but with flexibility and cooperation, you and your co-parent can focus on what really matters during the holidays: your children’s happiness. When you work together, you give your kids a holiday they can remember warmly, not one filled with tension and disagreement. And after all, that is truly one of the best gifts you can give them.
If you are facing challenges with holiday schedules or other co-parenting disputes, getting legal advice can be helpful. At Melone Hatley, P.C., our family law team can help. Our attorneys are here to guide you through complex situations, so you can focus on what matters most – creating a peaceful holiday for your children. Call us today at 800-479-8124 or schedule a free consultation through our website with one of our Client Services Coordinators.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today.
