And Why Some Options Are Better Than Others
Your home isn’t just a piece of real estate. It’s where your children were raised, birthdays were celebrated, holidays were hosted, and memories were made – it’s where your life has been lived! And it’s probably one of the most valuable assets you own. So, when the time comes to start thinking about how to pass it down to your children, the decision can be emotional – and confusing.
When it comes to leaving your house to your kids, it’s not just about making things fair for everyone involved, or easy for them upon your death. It’s also about maintaining control and continuity while you’re alive.
Virginia law offers several ways to pass your home to your children. Each comes with its own advantages, limitations, and long-term consequences. Here, we take a look at the most common approaches, taking a bigger picture in mind – because how something works on paper isn’t always how it works in real life.
Option 1: Leaving Your House Through a Will
A will is where most people start when they think about estate planning. Your will can be the natural first step to designate who will get the house after you pass.
How it works:
You create a will, and that document specifically names who should inherit your home after your death. In some cases, the home passes through the probate process to the people who are specified in the will. In other cases, the will itself can be recorded (after you pass away) and serve as the document transferring ownership of the property, similar to a deed. This allows the beneficiary to take title without going through a full probate administration.
Why it appeals to people:
A will allows you to clearly state who should receive the home and in what shares. It’s relatively easy to create and is typically less expensive than more complex estate planning tools. For families with simple circumstances, it can be a clean and direct solution.
The drawbacks:
When a house is left to multiple children through a will, they typically inherit it together, often as equal co-owners. That means every major decision, whether to sell, rent, renovate, or even who pays for repairs or taxes, requires ALL PARTIES to agree. As you can imagine, getting multiple siblings to agree on how to manage a shared property could be challenging and lead to conflict or even court involvement down the road.
Bottom line: A will is better than no plan at all, but when it comes to transferring a home, it often leaves the family dealing with delays, disputes, and frustrations at the worst possible time.
Option 2: Using a Revocable Living Trust
For families who want more control and fewer complications, a revocable living trust can be a more comprehensive option. A trust can smooth the transition for your children while giving you flexibility during your lifetime.
How it works:
You transfer the home into a trust that you control. You continue living in the house and making decisions as a trustee. After your death, a successor trustee of your choosing carries out your instructions without court involvement.
Why it appeals to people:
A revocable living trust avoids probate entirely. This means faster, more private administration. You can be very specific about what happens to the house in a trust, whether it should be sold, kept in the family, or used by one child for a period of time. A revocable living trust ensures that you maintain control while you are alive. And if your or your family’s situation changes, you can amend or revoke it at any time.
The drawbacks:
Trusts, in general, require more upfront planning and generally cost more to create than a will. They also must be properly funded, meaning the house must be titled in the trust’s name. Without this additional follow-through, the benefits of having a trust would be lost.
Bottom line: While not as simple as leaving the house in a will, a revocable living trust can provide added peace of mind and flexibility since it can address expected and unexpected changes.
Option 3: Transfer-On-Death (TOD) Deed
Transfer-on-death deeds have become increasingly popular because they sound efficient and straightforward. For some families, they can be. But they’re not right for everyone.
How it works:
You record a TOD deed naming your children as beneficiaries. You keep full ownership during your lifetime. At your death, the home automatically transfers to them, outside of probate.
Why it appeals to people:
TOD deeds are relatively inexpensive and easy to set up. You remain in control of the property while you’re alive, and the home passes to your children without court involvement. For families with clear expectations and minimal complexity, this can be an appealing option.
The drawbacks:
TOD deeds offer very little flexibility. The house transfers outright and immediately, with no additional instructions on what happens next. If one child wants to keep the house and the other wants to sell, there is no built-in solution. TOD deeds are also not ideal when the beneficiaries are minors or if other long-term planning is needed.
Bottom line: TOD deeds can work well in simple situations, but they leave little room for extra guidance – something families often wish they had before emotions enter the picture.
Option 4: Life Estate Deed
Life estate deeds are sometimes chosen because of their promise of certainty: you live in the home for life, and your children inherit it automatically. But this certainty can also have its disadvantages.
How it works:
With a life estate deed, you could retain the right to live in the home for the rest of your life. Your children are named as future owners and automatically receive the property when you pass away.
Why it appeals to people:
A life estate deed avoids probate and guarantees your housing during your lifetime. People appreciate the clear, automatic transfer at death.
The drawbacks:
Once a life estate deed is created, it’s difficult to undo. You may not be able to sell or refinance the home without your children’s consent, because they have a vested interest in the property. Furthermore, changes in family relationships, finances, or health can turn this option into a major limitation. There may also be tax or Medicaid-planning consequences.
Bottom line: Life estate deeds work well in narrow circumstances, but they can lock families into decisions that no longer make sense years down the road.
Option 5: Adding Your Children to the Deed During Your Lifetime
This option comes from a place of good intentions. You want to add your children to the deed now, as co-owners, so there are no issues with a transfer in the future. Unfortunately, this option frequently creates more problems than it solves.
How it works:
You add your children as co-owners of the house while you’re alive. You are all the co-owners of the house immediately.
Why it appeals to people:
It feels simple, avoids probate, and doesn’t require extensive planning.
The drawbacks:
Adding your children to the deed exposes your home to the children’s creditors, lawsuits, divorces, or other legal issues. You lose full control over the property, and your children may lose valuable tax benefits later. Furthermore, family dynamics can shift over the years, especially when ownership is shared prematurely.
Bottom line: Adding children to the deed is one of the most common estate planning mistakes people make, and it should only be considered with careful legal guidance.
Option 6: Choosing Not to Leave the House to Your Children
Many parents begin estate planning with the intention of leaving a legacy for the family and providing a gathering place for generations to come. While these intentions are thoughtful and come from a place of love, leaving a home to your children isn’t always the right choice. Not every child wants – or is prepared – to own and maintain a home. Some may live far away. Others may already have a home or don’t want the added responsibility. In some situations, your home may still carry a mortgage, need major repairs, or be expensive to maintain.
How it works:
Instead of passing the house to your children, you plan for the property to be sold after your death, or earlier if needed. You can then decide how the proceeds should be handled, whether they are divided among your children, used to pay debts, or distributed in another way that better fits your goals.
The drawbacks:
For those who hoped to keep the home as a shared space or legacy, this option can be emotionally difficult. It will also require clear communication, so your children understand that your decision is intentional, not an oversight or lack of care.
Bottom line: Deciding not to leave your house to your children is not a failure of planning – it is planning. When handled thoughtfully, it can reduce burdens, increase flexibility, and allow you to use the value of your home in a way that best supports your future needs and your family’s long-term well-being.
So, Is There a “Best Way” to Leave Your House to Your Kids?
In short, there is no single “right” way to leave your house to your children. What works well for one family may create challenges for another. The best approach will depend on numerous factors, including family dynamics, the ages and financial maturity of your children, your own long-term goals, and how much flexibility or control you want to maintain during your lifetime.
While some families want simplicity, others need more structure built into their plan. Life changes, such as marriage, divorce, health issues, financial shifts, or new family members, can also affect whether a plan that works today will still work years from now.
The most important things to understand are the consequences of each option to ensure you make an informed decision that reflects your individual circumstances. A well-thought-out plan should reduce uncertainty, minimize family conflict, and make things easier for your children during a difficult time.
Get Estate Planning Guidance for Your Real-World Situation
Many people assume their estate planning can wait for “someday.” But the unexpected happens. A solid plan doesn’t just protect the ones you love tomorrow. It protects you today.
At Melone Hatley, P.C., we help Virginia families create estate plans that are clear, practical, and built for real life. Whether you need something simple or a more comprehensive approach, our estate planning attorneys can help you create a plan that fits your life best. Call us at 800-479-8124 or contact us through our website to schedule a free consultation with one of our Client Services Coordinators.
