Summer is supposed to be a low-key time for kids to take a break from school and unwind. But for divorced co-parents, summer is often anything but low-key. It can even become a battleground when parents make unilateral changes to their parenting schedules.
Whether it’s deciding to take a last-minute vacation or signing the kids up for a summer camp without the other parent’s agreement, unexpected changes in parenting plans can not only strain your co-parenting relationship but can also affect your child’s well-being if they become major points of contention.
So, what are your rights if your ex changes the summer custody plan without consulting you? And what can you do to protect your time and your child’s best interests? At Melone Hatley, P.C., our Newport News family law attorneys are here to discuss your legal rights and walk you through your options.
Let’s Begin with Understanding Virginia Custody Laws
One of the more commonly misunderstood aspects of child custody is the difference between physical and legal custody. While physical custody refers to where the child lives and who provides day-to-day care, legal custody refers to a parent’s authority to make decisions on major issues affecting the child’s life, regardless of where the child primarily resides.
In Virginia, it’s common for courts to award joint legal custody, which gives both parents equal decision-making power. These decisions include things like the child’s education, medical care, and religious upbringing. It also includes things that could affect the custody schedule – including summer vacation plans.
If you and your former spouse share joint legal custody, neither of you has the right to make these types of decisions alone. That means if your ex signs your child up for an out-of-town summer camp without discussing it with you or books an extended vacation that overlaps with your parenting time, they may be violating a court order.
Unilateral decisions not only undermine your parental rights, but they can also have legal consequences. Courts take violations of joint legal custody seriously because they suggest one parent is unwilling or unable to co-parent effectively. In other words, joint legal custody isn’t just a label. It’s a legal obligation for co-parents to cooperate and collaborate with each other.
Schedule your free meeting with our team today to see if our Lawyers can help you.
Consult Your Custody Order
When summer custody conflicts arise, the first and most important step is to go back to your custody agreement or court order. This is your parenting roadmap and will outline your rights, responsibilities, and parenting schedule, including how summer should be handled. Most custody orders contain clear provisions for summer schedules, including how vacations are to be coordinated, restrictions on travel, deadlines for submitting proposed vacation dates, and what kind of notice must be given to the other parent.
Each parent should understand their responsibilities under their custody order, including their
- Vacation time allotment
- Any required notice provisions
- Procedures for resolving conflicts, and
- Provisions about joint decision-making
Some agreements have built-in default schedules if parents can’t agree. Even if you have a more flexible or informal arrangement, your court order is what governs your actions. So, if your ex is making changes that go against that order, you may need to get some legal advice.
Communicate First – Take Legal Action Second
If your ex has changed summer plans without your consent, it’s justifiable that you’ll feel frustrated, angry, or blindsided. But before jumping straight into legal action, it’s often best to try to resolve the issue through calm and respectful communication.
Start by reaching out to your co-parent directly, ideally in writing (email or text), so there is a record of your exchange. Avoid accusatory language while keeping the focus on your child. For instance, you might say:
“I noticed you scheduled camp for the week I’m supposed to have the kids. Can we talk about an alternative that works for both of us?”
“I wasn’t aware of the change in vacation dates. Let’s review the agreement together so we can figure this out.”
If your custody agreement requires written notice or mutual consent for summer plans, remind them without being confrontational. A simple:
“According to our custody order, we’re supposed to agree on summer vacation dates. Let’s find a time to get aligned with our plans.”
This keeps the conversation focused on doing what’s best for your child. The goal is to foster a sense of cooperation rather than escalate tension. Even if your co-parent didn’t just make an honest mistake and acted unilaterally, approaching the situation with a willingness to collaborate can go a long way toward reaching a resolution.
Give your co-parent the benefit of the doubt – at least initially. But if the pattern continues or your concerns are ignored, that’s when documentation and next steps are essential.
Click to contact our family lawyers today
When Your Ex Refuses to Cooperate
If you’ve tried to resolve the issues through reasonable communication and your ex still refuses to cooperate, it might be time to take formal steps. An ongoing disregard for your custody agreement, especially when you share joint legal custody, can be viewed as a violation of your court order.
Here are your options when cooperation fails:
- Document everything – Keep a record of all your communication, including text messages, emails, and any notes you’ve kept about missed or altered parenting time. Courts take written evidence seriously, especially when it shows a pattern of noncompliance.
- Send a formal notice – A letter from your attorney reminding your ex of their legal obligation can sometimes be enough to correct the behavior without filing anything in court.
- Request mediation – If your custody order includes a clause requiring mediation before litigation, or you believe there’s still a possibility that you can come to a mutual agreement, mediation is often a productive option.
- File a motion to enforce the order – If your ex continues to ignore the schedule or make decisions without your consent, you can ask the court to enforce the existing custody arrangement. A judge can compel compliance, order make-up parenting time, or issue other legal remedies.
- Seek a custody modification – In some cases, your ex’s repeated refusal to co-parent or follow the schedule may warrant a formal change to your custody arrangement. Courts will look at whether your ex’s actions are in the child’s best interests, and, if not, they may adjust custody to ensure better cooperation in the future.
You aren’t powerless when your ex tries to rewrite the rules. Your court order exists to protect your rights and your child’s consistency and stability.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today
Don’t Allow Your Kids to Get Caught in the Middle
No matter how contentious the situation between you and your ex, shielding your child from conflict is critical. Children are sensitive to stress and tension, and your conflict can leave them feeling caught in the crossfire.
Even if plans change because of your ex’s actions, try to keep things positive for your kids. Children thrive on routine and predictability. When parents fight, children often internalize that conflict, which in turn can impact their own emotional and psychological well-being. By remaining calm, positive, and focused on their needs, you are modeling healthy conflict resolution and giving your child the best chance at enjoying their summer regardless of what is happening behind the scenes.
Getting Legal Advice
Co-parenting is a partnership. If summer plans are being upended, or you need help enforcing or adjusting your custody arrangement, the experienced Newport News family law attorneys at Melone Hatley, P.C. are here to support you. We will review your order, help negotiate with your co-parent, and, if necessary, take the legal steps to fairly secure your parenting time. Call us at (757) 690-7779 or schedule a free consultation with one of our Client Services Coordinators online.
Schedule a call with one of our client services coordinators today.
