Divorce affects the entire family, not just the parents. If your parents are going through divorce or separation, then you know this is true.
Talking to one or both of your parents at times could be challenging due to the changes and emotions you’ve gone through. One way to get over this uncomfortable time is to start discussing divorce with your parents rather than letting your feelings linger. Talking openly about divorce could ease tension, while also assisting you and your parents in comprehending one another’s viewpoints. Here are a few things to consider before bringing up divorce with your parents:
- Consider how you want your conversation to go. Think of your next discussion as a calm, insightful discussion rather than a confrontation where rage and frustration take over. Know what you want to tell your parents. Having these ideas fresh in your mind could help in maintaining your composure and directing your words.
- Express your true feelings to your parents. Ask your parents not to interrupt you before you speak; simply let them hear what you have to say. Speak honestly about how the divorce is hurting you during your discussion with your parents because it’s crucial that they understand. Discuss your worries, concerns, and any other issues that bother you. Remain as cool and calm as you can when you speak with your parents. Your calm approach will probably influence your parents, helping them maintain their composure during the conversation.
- Ask questions calmly. It’s essential for you to grasp the reasons behind your parents’ decision to separate or get divorced but be aware that they might not be ready to go into detail just yet. Ask your parents how the divorce is affecting them instead of asking for all the specifics so they can talk to you about some of their feelings.
- Make future plans. Discuss activities you would like to do alone as well as activities you would like to do with one or both of your parents. You have the chance to express your desires and ask for things that you would want to see materialize in the future. Talk to your parents about anything else you want to stop happening, including criticizing each other in front of you, or using you as a messenger of even scapegoat. Even your parents could be shocked to learn that they are acting in this manner, especially if they learn about it from you.
- Try talking to someone else first if discussing any of this with either of your parents at this time is too difficult for you. It could be a close friend, a relative, or even your guidance counselor at school. Perhaps your counselor can offer you some additional advice on how to approach your parents about the divorce. Talking to your parents about it is a healthy first step to take toward getting over it. It is feasible for your family to go through this experience and get through it.