12 Mistakes You Should Avoid During a Divorce
Unfortunately, for many people, some of the biggest mistakes that they make in their life come about during a divorce. The divorce process is unfamiliar, stressful, and often painful. There’s a lot at stake. Often, people settle for less than they deserve because of a long, drawn-out battle. In many cases, they fail to realize how the divorce will affect their children or they fail to understand that legal missteps made over the course of the divorce could affect them for many years to come. You don’t have to walk the same unfortunate path that many others have. Knowledge is power and with knowledge, understanding, and strength, you can dodge these top 12 mistakes that are commonly made during divorce proceedings.
- Not listening to your attorney – Not all divorce advice should be treated equally. Friends and family, trying to support you, are full of advice and often not afraid to offer it. Your attorney is the best source of legal advice for the issues affecting your divorce. Choose your attorney carefully. You want someone who understands you and your specific circumstances. This is the person whose advice matters. Your attorney will protect both your interests and your rights.
- Starting your case aggressively – Don’t start your case by going on the attack. Typically, in response, your spouse will attack you in return. Eventually, you may burn through thousands and thousands of dollars, have a life filled with drama, and hate your spouse. Avoid opening the floodgates of anger if you can. Let your attorney take the lead. Remember, your goal is to divorce… not start a war.
- Selecting the wrong divorce process – Thankfully, you have several options to choose from. You have the option of selecting collaborative law, negotiation, or mediation. If things don’t work out, you can always fight it out in court. But, before you start the divorce process, carefully study your choices, talk with your attorney, and choose the divorce process that will get the best results for you and your family.
- Keeping your kids in the dark – Nothing is more frightening to children than not knowing what is going on. Talk to your kids. They want and need information. Keeping your children in the dark doesn’t spare their feelings, it makes them worry. Explain how the separation and divorce will impact their day-to-day lives, and if at all possible, include your spouse in this discussion. Listen to what your children have to say, their fears and concerns, and answer any and all questions honestly. Don’t assume that all is fine with the kids just because they aren’t exhibiting problems.
- Not understanding custody – Failing to understand custody and what will work best for your situation can be a big mistake. Physical custody will be where your children live the majority of the time. Legal custody gives you the authority to make specific decisions on behalf of your children about things like education, religion, and medical decisions. Visitation or access is the amount of time spent with the children by the non-physical custodian. Make sure your attorney understands what you want for your children.
- Failing to plan for life after the divorce – Divorce is expensive and money may be tight, but it’s important to think beyond the present. Work with your attorney, accountant, and financial advisor to create a financial plan for after your divorce. This will help provide guidance and clarity with respect to your assets, income, expenses, and liabilities, and help you make decisions about things like keeping or selling your home, receiving alimony and/or child support, acquiring life insurance, and taking investment assets over retirement assets. Once you understand the numbers, you can move forward and create an affordable budget for your future.
- Failing to make the effort to collect complete financial information – While it’s possible to settle a case without collecting all the financial details of your spouse, it’s not something that a family law attorney would ever recommend. After all, you can’t equitably divide something if you don’t know what is there in the first place. Work with your attorney and take the time to collect and completely understand your finances and your spouse’s finances before the case is settled.
- Failing to understand that divorce is a marathon instead of a sprint – If someone tells you that divorce is easy or fast, don’t believe them. Divorce is often contentious and rarely a smooth and amicable process. It’s pretty much guaranteed that a divorce will cost more and take longer than you thought. You and your attorney will need to work through the process and that takes time. An experienced family law attorney will guide you through each step and protect your rights.
- Using social media as a public divorce forum –Don’t post anything about your divorce on social media that you wouldn’t want to see introduced in court. No matter how frustrated you may be, don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Cyberspace is not the place to litigate your divorce. Many cases have been destroyed over Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter posts. Even if the post has been deleted, anything posted online exists forever and digital forensics has become a major source of evidence in divorce cases.
- Signing documents without understanding them – Even if you trust your attorney and he/she wrote your divorce documents, it’s foolish to sign something without reading and completely understanding it. If you don’t understand a document, then take the time to ask your attorney to explain it to you, and keep asking until you understand.
- Confusing the tax ramifications of the settlement – It’s important to know that several actions during the divorce may have large tax ramifications, for example, selling your home. Make sure you understand these tax implications to keep your finances in order and discuss them with your attorney, accountant, and financial advisor, if necessary.
- Choosing to fight battles instead of the war – Choosing to fight over a small stipulation in child or spousal support and paying thousands of dollars in legal fees in the process is fighting the wrong battle. In the end, it is not likely worth it. Listen to your attorney and focus on what really matters in the big picture.